It's Complicated
Published Mar 12, 2025
It's Complicated
The afternoon sunlight washed over the highway. I sipped my coffee as I turned on old familiar roads I hadn’t traveled in years. As I passed the familiar landmarks haunting emotions washed over me. Pain, regret, guilt, loss and ever-present loneliness appeared out of nowhere.
It has been years since the death of my parents, 27 & 15 years: 15 since cancer and 7 since my divorce. God has stitched my heart back together-this is for sure. Yet, I go back to the tried and true tools in my toolbox to navigate new twists and turns.
According to the DSM-5, Prolonged Grief Disorder affects about 10%, I would think it higher. Feelings of disbelief, intense sorrow, having difficulty re-engaging are all at play. Finding meaning in the mess is key.
This is where Christians part company with the rest of the world as we sit with grief and loss. The secular world view tells us it is all meaningless, so eat drink and be merry. The Christian worldview is that we are fearfully and wonderfully made. Life is a gift. We must navigate the waters of grief and loss with God, He will carry us .
Psalm 55:16 But I will call on God and the Lord will rescue me. Morning, noon, and night I cry out in my distress, and the Lord hears my voice.
Symptoms of Complicated Grief include health consequences:
- Chronic Stress
- Missed Doctor Appointments
- Higher Blood Pressure & Cholesterol
- Alcohol & Drug Use
- Insomnia
- Weakened Immune System
Mayor Clinic says the best way to manage feelings of grief us to talk about feelings of grief, seek out support and take part in bereavement counseling.
Reach out today. We would love to hear from you.
I founded Blessed & Inspired to give women an opportunity to come together, to be that long term support network, to pray with one another and be there for the long haul.
My prayer for each one of you is that you finally:
- Understand & accept the good, bad & ugly of it all
- Learn to see your role in the mix
- Give it all to God, let Him fix it
- Be thankful, even for the flower in the cement
- Sit still & wait-the Lord will do mighty things.
As your flower struggles to grow & bloom in the cement, May God bless you richly.
Casey Salminen
Founder
Blessed & Inspired
www.istock.com ID 1256812848, Aug 16, 2020.
The One Year Bible, New Living Translation, Tyndale House, Psalm 55:16-17, pg. 269
Godman, Heidi (2022) Getting Stuck In Longterm Grief, Harvard Health Letter, September 1, 2022.
Basement Girl
II sat down to write classmate I hadn’t seen in 40 years. How do you sum up an entire life in a few paragraphs? I hit the biographical points: Marriage, three children, several cross-country moves, some unexpected career changes, and pet additions. Then the unexpected, unthinkable happened, a divorce after 29 years. I moved into a small apartment on the third floor with my beagle Maddie. We took long walks under the huge trees that lined the pond by my home. About two years ago, I moved into the lower level of one of my birthday buddies. We live in a beautiful condo on a tree lined street with nice neighbors and a cul-de-sac. She is upstairs, I’m down. The plan was I’d stay for a few years to cut expenses and pay off some bills. As of today, I'm Basement Girl.
The meme on the FB page noted, “You are what you planned to be five years ago.”
I can't really say this lifestyle is anything I'd aspired to…yet here I am. At this stage in my life, I pictured myself semi-retired, a spacious home & yard to host Sunday dinners with children and grandchildren. Weekends would be filled with plays, craft shows and church activities. This would be the time in my life where I would wind down. Instead, I find myself “amping up” with a completely new and different life.
People kept greeting me at church, in meetings or social gatherings wondering how I weathered the recent storms of cancer, relocation and finding myself single after decades. My answer was always the same, the Lord healed my heart a stitch at a time, helped me forgive where I needed to, let go when I didn’t want to, and embrace a totally new purpose.
It is true, life certainly didn’t turn out like I planned. Yet, as I look around my 675 square foot apartment, I do not find despair or disappointment. I find opportunity. A chance to learn, grow and serve others. Life is full of trade-offs: my kitchenette doubles as the laundry room and my office is in the sitting room closet. I’m making do because you are worth it.
Women started calling, stopping by for coffee, ending up at my dining room table usually in tears. They helped me dive a bit deeper into the concept of grief and loss. What made women resilient and self-sufficient…I set out to find out. I studied, prayed, studied and prayed some more. I went back to school and earned my MBA at Concordia River Forest. Along the way, something wonderful happened, I got my MOJO back and created a new story that gives all the glory to God.
Last year, we incorporated Blessed & Inspired. Our mission is to provide women a path through and beyond grief. We are excited to bring you this ministry that focuses women, two by two, together at the foot of the cross over the long haul. These women will connect, encourage and mentor one another through trauma to a new life with joy and wonder.
Too many times women are alone and suffering loss. These losses range from the loss of a loved one, a sickness, lost job and broken homes. We call these the 4 D’s: Death, Disease, Downsizing or Divorce. They believe the lies the devil tells them: they aren't enough. I’m here to tell you that to all those women who wake up alone on Christmas morning, you are enough. In fact, you are so important, God sent His Son to save you and die for you. Youare cherished and you are chosen by God for great things and you are loved beyond words. Remember that.
In the meantime...you will find me in the basement chairing board meetings, writing blogs, listening to the women that call me each and every day.
Call me, Basement Girl
If you know a woman that has suffered a deep loss and needs a connection, please contact us.
Look Up & Get Moving
Feb 7, 2026
While reading Exodus this week, I read the familiar account of the Children of Israel leaving Egypt, pinned between the Red Sea and Pharoah chasing them, they griped, “Why did you bring us out here to die?” This is after the plagues, after the Passover, after being led directly through a cloud by day and pillar of by night, they still doubted…and God’s leader said…
Ex 14:13 But Moses told the people “Don’t be afraid, just stand still and watch the Lord rescue you today. The Egyptians you see will never be seen again. The Lord himself will fight for you, just stay calm.
We are to be BRAVE, STILL, & WATCH. Easier said than done when you are backed up against the wall… and it just gets worse. Somehow, it is hard to see daylight in the chaos. Can you relate to the children of Israel? They are facing death on two sides.
- Living with the chronic diagnosis that just gets worse.
- Caring for a sick loved one…and the boss piles on criticism and insult.
- Trying to heal a broken relationship…met with conflict or worse, indifference.
- Just making it with the bills, then the unexpected crisis occurs and it is a real mess.
When we face real battles at home, work, with our friends, family and in the community things can and often go from bad to worse, we aren’t alone. Take Abraham for example,
Abraham worries he will never have an heir, God tells him, “Do not be afraid, Abram.” One of my favorite verses, He then tells Abram, ‘Look up at the heavens and count the stars-if indeed you can count them…so shall your offspring be.’ And it was so. Gen 15:1, 5
Even later, Jehoshaphat follows his father Asa, and Jehoshaphat faced to Moabites, he fasted, prayed and God responded. In 20:15, this is what God said, “Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army. For the battle is not yours, but God’s.” In verse 29 it says, 29 The fear of God came upon all the kingdoms of the countries when they heard how the Lord had fought against the enemies of Israel. 30 And the kingdom of Jehoshaphat was at peace for his God had given him rest on every side.
The idea is prevalent through scripture. There will be battles, there will be big ones and little ones…and there will be whoppers that make us freeze in our tracks. It is when you face one of those times, that the Lord asks you, like he did his beloved Children of Israel, to stop and be brave, be still and watch what He will do.
Being still is hard for all of us. We want to do something. We fuss, we fidget, we distract, we go, anything but sit and think on things. The world is full of too much chaos, the news, well, it’s just too much most days. God had got this. We have no clue how He will do it, but He will. The question is how do we get still and watch? We look up. We look out. Turn off the technology, what do you see? Wait for it, wait to see what God will do. We don’t know how long we wait, yet we watch. He will provide for us. Think Red Sea amazed, it is His battle and He will do it. He saved the Children of Israel, he destroyed their enemies, He did it all.
The battle you are facing is His battle and not your own. Let him do it. The final verse in the Exodus saga before God parts the Red Sea. He says to Moses, “Why are you crying out to me? Tell the people to get moving!
There is a time to
- Be Still
- Wait
- Watch
- Cry Out to the Lord
Look up and get moving. God might reward you like Jehoshaphat, rest on all sides.
Casey Salminen
Founder, Blessed Inspired
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The One Year Bible, New Living Translation, Tyndale House, Pg 117 Ex 14:13-15.
Concordia Self Study Bible (Concordia Publishing House, St. Louis, MO. Gen 15:1 pg 28; 2 Chron20:17.
Hallman, Lisa www.pixabay.com, Pixabay trees 2217078_640, lisahallman - Pixabay